if you're reading this...

i want you to know that i think about you every day, but not nearly as much as i used to...and not talking to you is probably the best thing for me right now. every so often i have an urge to call you but i feel like i'm on a streak almost, and i can't break it. it's been a long time since i've heard your voice...longer than we've ever gone without talking since i've known you. (it's been over a year since we met, do you realize that?) it bothers me that we haven't talked, but not as much as i thought it would. so i'm sorry that i haven't called...but you haven't called either. and in a way, i think that's a blessing.

sometimes i get very mad that you haven't called me simply because i realize you don't care enough to call. or maybe you're healing like me. nevertheless, it upsets me.

but the truth is i need this time to heal. two months ago i couldn't have even fathomed going this long without knowing what's going on in your life or even just hearing your voice. but now...i don't call, i don't text, i don't email...i don't even look at your facebook.

and it's better this way.

i think about the future and sometimes fear that you won't be in it. to be honest, though, at this moment in time...at this point in our non-relationship/friendship/complicated thing, i have no idea when it will be okay for me to talk to you again. i have no idea when it won't hurt anymore.

so, it certainly is better this way. i'm healing, and finally allowing myself to get over you.

so, i hope you're well, and i want you to know that i do still look at the cartoon. and i'm still so appreciative. thank you.

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